A Root of My Life...

It all started off as a innocent conversation with my good friend Josh Segalla and it ended up being one of the biggest spiritual learning moments of my life.
We were simply catching up on life and hearing about how each others summers had gone and then somewhere amidst all the small talk our conversation switched over to this deep thought (which is actually a thought by a theologian who lived a long time ago) that pride is the root of all evil and sin.
I'll repeat that...  

Pride is the root of evil and sin.

It sounds like this simple concept and idea. In fact, it may be a no brainier for those of us in Bible college.
You're probably actually thinking "Joe! why is this your big learning moment?"
Because it started to dawn on me through our conversation that my whole life has been built upon pride... and not just any pride...it has been my own pride...
The Bible says that our good deeds are seen as filthy rags in God's eyes (Isaiah 64:6) and I wonder if all of my "good deeds" have been the offspring of my pride...
I've been starting to question myself and everything I do...

Do I do good things for others because I love God so much and it's a service I want to do because I love God first?
Or, do I do good things for others because I want to feel better about myself?
Or, just because I know it's the right thing to do? Or, because I think if I don't then I am a bad Christian?

I also started questioning my relationship with God...has that been based on pride this whole time? Do I pray to God because I want something out of it?
Because I want to feel better about my day?
Because I just want to check it off my list of things to do each day?
Or, do I pray because I love God so much that I can't help but talk to Him?
I can't help but listen to Him?
Do I read my Bible because I want to find something for my own personal gain?
Or, because I love God so much that I can't help but soak in His words?

These are just questions that have been running through my mind
...and I'm just being transparent...
I don't feel that I wrote this post out of pride...
I'm not trying to gain anything from this, but I hope to simply pass this on to others and get believers thinking about their motives...

Joe

Oh Boy!

Looking ahead at life and the big moments that are expected to happen within this next year I get kind of worried.
I'm not gonna lie.
There are some huge decisions and events that are going to take place by this time next year.
I'm sure there will be ups and downs along the way.
But just thinking about it all makes me anxious and somewhat stressed.
I try not to be a stressed out guy, but there are sure a lot of things that might and probably will happen sooner rather than later.

All of these things (graduating, working a "real" job, finding that "real" job, possibly marriage, oh! and don't forget the internship that I don't have lined up) were weighing heavy on my mind today.

But then I started remembering all the Scripture that I feed everyone I know who gets worried: Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:6, and Hebrews 13:8.

So no matter what "big" things are about to happen I know that my God will be in control.
He has it all figured out, even though I don't.
I have to keep on telling myself that I must decrease and He must increase. (Jn. 3:31)

Just Can't Pinpoint It....

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing something wrong because it seems that in this season of my life I am not "growing"...Spiritual growth I mean.
I've been reflecting on the last week, month, and year and for some reason I can not find a "measurement" of some sort of Spiritual growth.
It simply seems to not exist.
Does that mean I am not growing?
Have I grown stale? Apathetic?

But as I write this I start to wonder if maybe the reason for this stunted growth is because I have been without a true fellowship with a community of believers for the last year.
Since the community group that I once shared my life with has diminished it seems that my growth has gone down a pit.
And with that community group went genuine service I feel like. Since that group it seems that my service that I try and offer the world has been self centered and does not come from a genuine love for people.

These are just some thoughts that have been running through my mind the last couple of days.
just thought i'd share my honesty.

The Cycle of My Life

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like life is a crazy cycle/rotation hybrid thing....Let me explain :)

I am sure this has been happening for a long time now, but I am just now realizing that my life seems to repeat itself....
Here's usually how it seems to rotate...

Life stinks.
Things start to get better.
Life goes great.
Things start to get worse.
Life stinks.

And on top of all of that I can sense that all of life's ups and downs depend on my dependency towards God.

Life stinks = trying to do things on my own power
Things start to get better = breakdown and realize I need Him
Life goes great = depending on God and living for Him
Things start to get worse = lose dependency on God
Life stinks....

So as I am meditating on God's Word and doing my best to pray through life I am finally figuring out that life can not be done on my own power or done with my agenda.

Lord help me!
I am a prideful man and I need Your help to just not be so prideful.
Thank You for always being in control.
Your way is always the best way. Help me to understand that fully.

Am I Dependent?

We are not saying that we can do this work ourselves. It is God who makes us able to do all that we do
2 Corinthians 3:5

"I am trying", I can't tell you how many times i've heard those words come out of my mouth or the mouths of others.
I'm trying to work on ____________ (fill in the blank).
I'm sure we all could fit something specific into that blank.
I know I have been trying to work on my pride.
It's been tough, that's for sure. I feel like I'm not really making any progress toward becoming more humble most days.
Tonight I was reminded, by my good friend Andrew, that we were not created to be independent. We were made to be totally dependent; on God first and others second.
That was like a dagger to my heart! That is so deep!
I started digging around looking for a good definition of being 'dependent'...
Dictionary.com puts it this way...
"relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc."
I wonder if my pride issue needs more than just my "efforts" but it goes back to being dependent on God to help me through this.I wonder if I need to simply rely on Him more. It sounds so easy, but it is so tough for me to do.
I can't do it alone! Which is tough for me to swallow because I like to think I have everything under control...when I really don't.

I end this post asking...
Am I Dependent?
Are you Dependent?
Are we Dependent?

What we don't need to do...

"God doesn’t want us to come to him perfect."

This is a quote form Ed Cyzewski and his blog titled "In A Mirror Dimly" ( http://inamirrordimly.com/ )

To think that God doesn't expect me nor want me to come to Him in a perfect manner makes me smile.
I have always struggled with that...
I struggle with the thoughts of how imperfect I am and how God can't use me in this imperfect body.
I struggle with thoughts that because I am imperfect, not even close to perfection actually, God wont hear my prayers...
I worry that God wont help me...
I start to fall for the lie that I am worth less because I sin and I struggle...

I am not perfect

I will never be perfect

But I am covered

God doesn't see my sin anymore

He sees a young man blameless in His sight

Maybe I'll always struggle with these thoughts
These thoughts of how my imperfections can bring me down
Maybe you struggle with these same thoughts...

I want to end this post with a quote and some promises from the Word...

Your sin does not disqualify your worship - Chris Durso

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day - 2 Cor. 4:16

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God - 2 Cor. 3:5

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ. - Ephesians 2:4-5

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. - Galatians 2:20

A Praise then a Curse...

“Hosanna!”
“Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”
“Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!”
“Hosanna in the highest heaven!”

Mark 11:9-10 are verses used to describe what the Jewish people were saying to Jesus as He entered Jerusalem to die.

And the word "Hosanna" literally means "Save us! Please!"
The Jewish people were praising Jesus on that particular Sunday but by the end of the week they were the ones saying "Crucify Him!!"

They were praising Him and then cursing Him...all in the same week!

Don't we do the same thing sometimes???

We go to a Church service on Sunday, sing songs of praise to God about how He is holy and how we love Him, but then even before the week is over we find ourselves cursing God.
Maybe we don't curse God verbally, but maybe we are curing at Him with our life choices.
On Sunday's we sing and pray "Take it all God! We surrender!" but then we find our lives saying
"Hold on God! I don't want to do that!"
"I don't want to go talk to that person!"
"I don't want to become friends with that homeless man!"
"I don't want to die to myself!"
"God I just want to live life the way I think is best!"

I know I struggle with this...maybe you do too
I have a feeling we are not alone though...

Lets change the persona that Christians are hypocrites!
Because it's true...we are!
We give God a praise one moment and then live a life that is a curse toward our God..

Go!
Live life expecting not to live in comfort, because no one said dying to yourself would be easy!!