The Cycle of My Life

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like life is a crazy cycle/rotation hybrid thing....Let me explain :)

I am sure this has been happening for a long time now, but I am just now realizing that my life seems to repeat itself....
Here's usually how it seems to rotate...

Life stinks.
Things start to get better.
Life goes great.
Things start to get worse.
Life stinks.

And on top of all of that I can sense that all of life's ups and downs depend on my dependency towards God.

Life stinks = trying to do things on my own power
Things start to get better = breakdown and realize I need Him
Life goes great = depending on God and living for Him
Things start to get worse = lose dependency on God
Life stinks....

So as I am meditating on God's Word and doing my best to pray through life I am finally figuring out that life can not be done on my own power or done with my agenda.

Lord help me!
I am a prideful man and I need Your help to just not be so prideful.
Thank You for always being in control.
Your way is always the best way. Help me to understand that fully.

Am I Dependent?

We are not saying that we can do this work ourselves. It is God who makes us able to do all that we do
2 Corinthians 3:5

"I am trying", I can't tell you how many times i've heard those words come out of my mouth or the mouths of others.
I'm trying to work on ____________ (fill in the blank).
I'm sure we all could fit something specific into that blank.
I know I have been trying to work on my pride.
It's been tough, that's for sure. I feel like I'm not really making any progress toward becoming more humble most days.
Tonight I was reminded, by my good friend Andrew, that we were not created to be independent. We were made to be totally dependent; on God first and others second.
That was like a dagger to my heart! That is so deep!
I started digging around looking for a good definition of being 'dependent'...
Dictionary.com puts it this way...
"relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc."
I wonder if my pride issue needs more than just my "efforts" but it goes back to being dependent on God to help me through this.I wonder if I need to simply rely on Him more. It sounds so easy, but it is so tough for me to do.
I can't do it alone! Which is tough for me to swallow because I like to think I have everything under control...when I really don't.

I end this post asking...
Am I Dependent?
Are you Dependent?
Are we Dependent?

What we don't need to do...

"God doesn’t want us to come to him perfect."

This is a quote form Ed Cyzewski and his blog titled "In A Mirror Dimly" ( http://inamirrordimly.com/ )

To think that God doesn't expect me nor want me to come to Him in a perfect manner makes me smile.
I have always struggled with that...
I struggle with the thoughts of how imperfect I am and how God can't use me in this imperfect body.
I struggle with thoughts that because I am imperfect, not even close to perfection actually, God wont hear my prayers...
I worry that God wont help me...
I start to fall for the lie that I am worth less because I sin and I struggle...

I am not perfect

I will never be perfect

But I am covered

God doesn't see my sin anymore

He sees a young man blameless in His sight

Maybe I'll always struggle with these thoughts
These thoughts of how my imperfections can bring me down
Maybe you struggle with these same thoughts...

I want to end this post with a quote and some promises from the Word...

Your sin does not disqualify your worship - Chris Durso

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day - 2 Cor. 4:16

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God - 2 Cor. 3:5

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ. - Ephesians 2:4-5

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. - Galatians 2:20