Hold On To God, Not Your Problems

Today I was listening to this song called "Hold On" by Abandon...there a new band with a great sound...and some of the lyrics look like this:

Does anybody care
Do you even see
Look past my skin
Do you see me
Do you even know what I’m going through
I need to talk to someone
Can I talk to you

Does anybody care
Do you even see
I’m running out of hope and sanity
Do you even know what I’m going through
I’m having a hard time facing the truth

As I pondered on these lyrics I started to feel pain for those who feel like they don't have any hope. I know that I've felt that way many times, and I know that all of us have gone through times when we feel like everything is wrong and we don't know what to do. We wonder why God would allow this to happen to us. We know that He can fix it, but yet it seems that He just keeps letting it happen.

I just want to let you know that God can fix it. He will fix it. We just have to let Him fix it. We have to stop trying to do things on our own. We try and fix life's hard times with our own power and yet we fail, time and time again. Give your pain, your confusion, your doubt, your fears, your worries, your hard times to God, and "He will raise you up!"

Reality Is Sinking In

Today has been a rough day. I woke up with great expectations for the day, but those soon vanished. I had some homework to do followed by some classes. After I got out of my class at 2:30 I hit reality.

I soon found myself back to my old habits of listening to music in my room(even though it is a different room this time) and acting like nothing is wrong. When I actually I was depressed. I found myself hurting myself(I don't understand how that happens either). Everything I thought that I was doing right I was doing wrong.

I don't like being single. I don't like being alone. I have too much time to sit and think.

And I know all of you are saying "find something constructive to do" but I feel like I have no reason to do anything anymore.

I don't care about my grades anymore. I'm sick of being here. I have to see her around school and everything but I'm not supposed to care about how she is doing. I'm not supposed to ask any questions or act interested.

I'm still broken and I know that God can use me in my brokenness, and I hope He does.

God's Will be done!

Why?!?!

At 11:13 a.m. today my life changed.

My love feels incomplete. I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel broken. I feel empty. I am weak and tired.

God's will be done. Let nothing stand in the way of my Savior's plan.

I hope she's alright. But I'm not supposed to care anymore. I'm not to call. I'm not to hug her. I'm not to ask her how she's doing. I'm not to praise her. I'm not apart of her life anymore, but the only problem is...I STILL LOVE HER!!

The Straight and Narrow

The moment I think I have God's will for me figured out I seem to get shut down. Maybe you are the same way. Everything seems to be going great and then it's like there's a big door shut right in your face. It sucks! Sometimes I wish I could just know what God had in store for me. Then I wouldn't mess up. But then again, I am human so I'm bound to screw up somewhere.

Our Relationship With The Man Up Stairs....Perfect??!!

I feel like many of us Christians think that in order to do God's will we need to feel like we are close to God or that we are bringing others to Christ. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be "super spiritual" or feel like you are close to God in order to do His perfect will. I've been in close contact to a person who is struggling to feel God's presence in their lives and I think that they feel like they have to feel God's presence or that they have to be "spiritual" in order to be close to God. But I feel like that is a myth and many of us believe that. We feel that we have to be reading our Bible two hours a day and we need to pray before every meal and before we go to bed, but what if there's more to it. I know God wants us to read His word and pray to Him, but is that all there is to life....to go through the motions and have the same routine week in and week out. What do you think!! Do you think we as Christians need to focus more on our relationship with God rather than the actions we think we are supposed to be doing?? God wants us to have a r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p. That means there are going to be ups and downs in it. I've never been in a relationship with anyone that has everything go perfect for it, but the ones that I never gave up on and continued through the hard times...those relationships are stronger and more reliable than almost all the rest. I think it's the same way with God. We are going to feel like God is close at times and other times we are going to maybe feel alone and abused, but if we press on through the hard times that relationship with Him will be A-mazing. I know from experience and I hope that all of you will never give up on your journey with God. Press on!! You are not alone

You're Not Alone - Saosin

That's just like him

To wander off in the evergreen park

Slowly searching

For any sign of the ones he used to love

He says hes got nothing left to live for

(He says hes got nothing left)

And this time I think you'll know

Your not alone

There's more to this I know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

She's just like him

Spoiled rotten, confused by the lies shes been fed

Shes searching for no one (but herself)

Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy that she is her

And this time I think you'll know

Your not alone

There is more to this I know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

Your not alone

There is more to this i know

You can make it out

(there is more to this)

We're not alone

There is more to this i know

you can make it out

you will live to tell

(so tell me)

Your not alone

There is more to this i know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

Your not alone

Your not, your not alone

Honesty is a word that I feel God has placed on my heart over these past 2 months and last night it was a word that continued through my mind as I was up till 4 a.m. not knowing what that word had to do with me. When I first think of the word "honesty" I think of someone just telling the truth. But when I started to talk to some friends on the internet and they started just opening up to me about how their lives were going and how they were struggling I realized that honesty is what people need to help get them away from their struggles. I was talking with a particular friend last night and she was sharing with me about her struggles. My heart went out for her and she was saying that she "was broken" and wasn't feeling "used by God" That feeling is not uncommon I don't think. I see it my own life many times and I know what it's like to feel alone, useless and broken. When my friend started being honest with me she started to realize that she didn't need to feel useless anymore, but her "light bulb" went off and was encouraged to start helping other people. I feel that honesty was all that she did and now feels better about things. I wonder if honesty and love is all some people need to get out of their "rut". I know some people need counseling and psychiatric help, but there are a lot of people who just need someone to talk to. All they need is someone to be honest to and tell their story to. I hope that I can be someone that people can talk to, someone that people can tell their story's to. I think everyone's story is important, and makes them who they are. God works in everyone differently and I love to hear how He's working in other people.

Being Happy vs. Being Real

This morning I cam across a picture on Heartsupport.com and it really challenged me to think about my motives when I'm talking to someone about either their depression or whatever hard thing they are going through. I had to remind myself about how I felt when I was deep into my depression and what I needed when I was going through that. I put on that "mask" of hiding the pain instead of being real. It was my fault for not just going out there and telling someone. I needed to be real though. I want to make sure that I'm not trying to make people "happy" when all they might need is someone to talk to and be open with. God does want us to be happy but I don't think He wanted me to force happiness on anyone. I need to allow people to go through those hard times, but I don't let them go through it alone. I want to be a person people can come to and put their mask down and have a real conversation, NO PRETENDING. I pray that God will give me the words to say when I need to talk and that He'll help me to be real with those I come in contact with everyday.

what I'm here for

For those of you who will read this I thought I would just say a little something about why I'm doing this. I saw that a few friends had a "blog" site and I felt really blessed to read about what they blogged about...so I thought "why not try this and see if you can impact someone with your words or thoughts?" So now here I am about to start on this blogging world, and let me warn you these things are going to be inconsistent and random...but that's just who I am :)